


SHIELD Internal Memo 2014.01.26.1748

by singingwithoutwords



Series: Crackverse [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: BAMF Phil Coulson, Being a Butt Can Get You Hurt, Gen, Human Resources, Internal Memo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-26
Updated: 2014-01-26
Packaged: 2018-01-10 03:41:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1154395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singingwithoutwords/pseuds/singingwithoutwords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An internal memo from SHIELD HR to all personnel, regarding Agent Phil Coulson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	SHIELD Internal Memo 2014.01.26.1748

**Author's Note:**

> This one came out of a discussion about alternative sexualities, how badass Phil is, and how SHIELD has to have some strange memos floating around.

**FROM:** celeste.hr@SHIELD.net

 **DATE:** 26 January, 2014

 **RE:**  Agent Coulson

 

Dear SHIELD Employee:

Human Resources would like to remind all personnel that while SHIELD has extensive medical coverage, the results of the following actions are **not** covered:

  * claiming that Agent Coulson is attracted to kitchenware

  * claiming that Agent Coulson is attracted to animals

  * claiming that Agent Coulson is attracted to buildings or inanimate objects

  * claiming that Agent Coulson is attracted to rock formations and/or plant life

  * attempting to set Agent Coulson up on a date with any of the above

  * making public comments regarding any relationship Agent Coulson has had/currently has




Additionally, no employee will be compensated for work missed due to injuries sustained as a result of the above, and each incident will result in a demerit against your official SHIELD record. Please refer to the attached refresher on demerit scales for punishments for demerits accrued, and how to clear demerits from your record. If you are unsure of your current demerit count, please contact jandel.hr@SHIELD.net.

Finally, Human Resources would like to remind all personnel that Agent Coulson is perfectly capable of killing you barehanded, and SHIELD life insurance policies cannot be collected in cases of death by gross stupidity.

Thank you for your dedication, hard work, and understanding. Please feel free to contact Human Resources at any time if you have further questions.

 

Sincerely,

Madison Celeste

Senior Vice President

Human Resources

235-555-8972 (office)

235-555-8964 (fax)

 

**Attached:**

_demeritrefresher.pdf_

_sexualharrassment.pdf_

_waysagentcoulsonhaskilledaman.pdf_

**Author's Note:**

> The fuck did I just write.


End file.
